WAY off topic of writing but….

Can I just say that being a parent is the HARDEST job in the world? We’re through into this lifelong commitment with hardly ANY training beyond how to heat up a bottle and change a diaper and then we’re put into positions where WE have to make very important, life changing decisions at the drop of a hat!

As much as I’ve tried, it seems that every decision I’ve made for my son has been the wrong one! He was born prematurely, which actually put him just at the cutoff age to start Pre-K. He was 4. In MY mind I believed putting him in Pre-K was preferable to having him sit at the babysitter’s house for another year doing nothing but watching cartoons on TV. Little did I know that his premature mind had yet to catch up to those of his classmates AND that he would be physically abused by the woman at the daycare center who took him to and from school while I worked a FT job. It wasn’t until the end of the year that I found out he had told a teacher’s aid that this woman had PUNCHED him in the face sometime around January or so. Yeah, just narrowly missed going to prison on that one!

Fast forward several years. I had the opportunity, FINALLY, to get Josh into a Charter school, which seems to be all the rage amongst ADHD parents. “Oh, you’ll love it! He will do so great!” So, I pulled him out of his Public School and sent him to this new Charter school that opened in the neighborhood. Despite the ridiculously long pickup procedures (finally down to 1 hour at best a month and a half in), I was willing to stick it out if he seemed to be doing good. NOPE! He has had nothing but bad notes in his agenda and is even failing Science for not turning in assignments. The teacher has my email, don’t you think she would have TOLD me this? I had no idea!

Since the school was open to the general area and not confined to the smaller surrounding area, I believe Josh may have gotten in with the crowd from “across the tracks”, if you will. He began to act like a thug, a little gang member in training, being very disrespectful and refusing to do homework, etc. We NEVER had these problems at his old school. Well, ok, he’s NEVER wanted to do homework, but who DID? So, after much fret and worry, I finally decided to pull him out of the charter school and return him to his old elementary school. Upon hearing this, the Vice Principle was so overjoyed that he actually called me at home to tell me he was going to spend the weekend figuring out the perfect class to put him in.

Even though I am so much more relieved now that this ordeal SEEMS to be over, I can’t help but feel like a total failure again. I had started Josh early, hoping to help him, but he was constantly struggling to keep up with the kids who were not premature. Finally I came to the decision to hold him back. Now, I think the Charter school, which is supposed to cater to the child’s needs and personality, was a complete disaster, resulting in no positive changes but a ton of bad ones!

DOES IT EVER END? WHEN will I stop F-ing up and actually make the RIGHT decision the first time around? I feel like I have failed him on so many levels in his 11 years on this planet.

Welcome to my life followers! It’s a hell of a bumpy ride!


2 thoughts on “WAY off topic of writing but….

  1. I think we will always f*ck up- I think it’s part of being a parent. I have a 7(nearly 8) and he has had his problems in the past then I thought he was doing okay- report card came out- whole list of bad behaviours and I thought the same why not tell me early, talk to me, I’m at the school enough. And of course I blame myself- we try to make the right choices for them but then it all seems to blow up from time to time…. I feel your frustration

    • I hate to say misery loves company, but it’s nice to know I’m not allow in my pain, oaktree108. And the sad thing is, I’m POSITIVE I’ll be posting something similar 20 years from now when he’s 31 and struggling, just like my parents about me. But, he will always be my baby, and even when he’s 50, I’ll be there for him to pick him up when he falls. That’s my job.

      Good luck. I’m here if you need to vent!

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